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Appreciate the Heck Out of Him

I have to say it.  I LOOOOOOVE appreciating men.  Seriously.  It is like a drug. I am compulsive about it. When I appreciate them and see their faces light up, it is like elixir for my soul.

Why am I so into appreciating men, specifically?  Well, because I love them and I do really appreciate what they bring into my life.

Although I am perfectly capable of feeling like a hot and sexy piece of ass all on my own, I love that men contribute to that feeling in me all day.  Sometimes it is with their words and sometimes it is just that they provide the Masculine backdrop against which my inner Feminine flourishes.

I love that they are bigger and stronger and choose to be gentle and take care of me.

I love that they can lead the way in one instance and fall asleep with their head on a woman’s chest in a state of complete surrender in the next.

Even more, I think they are incredibly brave creatures for taking on the wild waters of a woman’s heart and mind.  They may not always be perfect or successful at it, but as a whole they keep on coming in the face potential failure and heartache.

For these reasons, I choose to APPRECIATE THE HECK OUT OF MEN and support them every chance I get.

Sometimes I appreciate them in my head, or with a smile.  Other times it is complimenting a man on his shirt, hair cut or new glasses.  It is always simple and a gift that is always well-received.

Do you want to know what a very pleasant side-effect of appreciating the heck out of a man?  A properly appreciated man loves to serve.  In your presence he feels like a man and acts accordingly.  Not a bad deal, is it?

I am very well taken care of by the men in my world and they feel like a MEN around me.  I know this because they tell me so.  I am humbled that I can contribute to their lives in such a way.

Do you have any experiences of Man Appreciation to share?

Does this subject grate on some sensitive spots?

Either way, I would love to hear about your experiences and perspectives in the comments below.

If you found this post to be of value I invite you to sign-up for free email updates in the box on the right side of this page.

xoxo,


It’s The Little Things…

Today I am dying to talk about GRATITUDE.  Seeing as it is oozing out of my pores, it is hard not to.

Why do I feel so much gratitude, you ask?

Well, there are a lot of little reasons.  Not one of these things is that big of a deal on it’s own, but added up, I cannot deny that I am swimming in a sea of goodness.

There are a lot of things or the lack of certain things that I could focus on and my life would not seem that great.

I could have a better relationship with my dad and his wife.

I’m single.

I am in business-building mode and am on a tighter budget than I would like.

I have had some health challenges that I am still cleaning up.

The world seems to be going to “hell in a hand basket”.

Need I go on?

We all have a list like this.  Some of us have a list with a lot more challenges. And, if we look hard enough, we all have simple, but wondrous blessings in our lives.

Here are a few of mine:

  • Today I woke up in a beautiful where I am dog-sitting.
  • I was greeted by four dogs who were so happy to see me that they could hardly contain themselves
  • I got to take a shower in a steam shower with a skylight (always good for the soul)
  • I had four different men help me find boxes for my upcoming move.
  • One of my baristas gave me free refills on my americano, a cup of hot chocolate with a heart in the foam, and a very fancy bag of espresso beans, all in one visit to the coffee shop.
  • I got to spend an entire day with an old friend that I rarely get to see.
  • I got to teach a tele-class on Man Appreciation to amazing and generous women.
  • My family is being so supportive of me as I deal with health issues, moving, starting a new business, etc.
  • I made two new friends at the coffee shop this week.
  • The owner of the coffee shop connected me with a lovely woman who will be my new housemate.

There is so much more, but you get the idea.

Many of the things I am grateful for are not material things, they don’t increase my bank account or give me any sort of status.  All of my other challenges still exist.  The amazing thing is that through looking at all the people who love and support me and the goodness that brings, I feel like the wealthiest, healthiest and happiest women on Earth.

It really is the little things that make life so sweet.

What do you have to be grateful for?

Will you share some of your sweetness with us?  We would love to hear all about it in the comments below.

If you would like to keep up on new blog posts, programs and specials, I invite you to sign-up for FREE updates in the box on the right side of the screen.

xoxo,

Jennifer

 

 

Us And Them

Recently I have become really aware of a dynamic, I believe, is responsible for what ails our world and, at very least, our romantic relationships.  I call this dynamic “Us and Them”.

What first got me present to “Us and Them” was an article I read discussing why the author thought it would be a bad idea to have a male Secretary of State.

This article was filled with all the reasons a woman would be better at the job and all the characteristics of a man that would make a man a dangerous choice.  The article was overflowing with generalizations of men and women.

Basically, the article stated that women are nurturers, more emotionally intelligent and men are unable to effectively express emotions so resort to macho-type tactics which will piss-off other world leaders.

There are a plethora of examples supporting these generalizations, but they are not always true.

In my life, one of the most diplomatic and emotionally intelligent people I have ever met is a man.

On the other hand, the most destructive, manipulative, and drama inciting person I have ever experienced is a woman.

Nothing like the stereotype would dictate.

By making politics, familial, friend, work or romantic relationships about men vs women, we do not allow for collaboration with or appreciation of the opposite sex and what they have to offer.

When we pit ourselves as something other than, or in opposition to, another person or group, we shut down the possibility of love and mutual respect.

At that moment we stop being concerned about the well-being of another and more concerned with what we are getting out of the situation at the expense of love.

In today’s society we are taught that this is normal and acceptable.  I will venture to say that it is not acceptable if what we want is to live a happy life full of JOY and LOVE.

Next time you encounter someone being unkind, cranky, or generally anti-social try taking a step back and get curious about that person and what they might be feeling.

I guarantee they are not feeling happy or empowered. Give them the benefit of the doubt, just this once, and send them thoughts and/or words of love and compassion.

You would be surprised how it can transform a situation or dynamic.

Wouldn’t you want someone to do the same for you?

I have to be honest, despite my commitment to be more interested in the well-being of another over my own agenda, I still find myself engaging in “Us and Them” thoughts.

It is unrealistic to think you will never have “Us and Them” type thoughts.  You will have them.

The key is to choose a new thought when you notice yourself having one.  Choose a thought of love and compassion and carry on.

The quickest way for me to bridge the gap between “Us and Them” and “Love and Compassion” is to focus on what you APPRECIATE about the person.  APPRECIATION IS A MIRACLE WORKER.

In a conflict between a man and woman, APPRECIATION OF A  MAN FROM A WOMAN closes the gap faster than anything I have ever experienced it.  (For more information on Man Appreciation visit  http://jenniferweddle.com/appreciate-the-heck-out-of-him/ )

That does not mean it is only the woman’s job, but if you have it in you to conjure some appreciation, Ladies, I suggest you give it a try.  It will definitely benefit YOU.

I will now step down from my soapbox with love and compassion for each and every one of you. 🙂

Do you have any burning thoughts and/or opinions on the subject?  I would love to hear them in the comments below.

xoxo,
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You Are Perfect Just As You Are…Seriously

This week I want to talk about a crazy concept:

You are perfect as you are.

Yes, just as you are.

You may be saying to yourself, “Duh.  Of course I am.”  Or maybe you are not even able to fathom the concept.

For those of you who fall into the latter category, or somewhere in between, I want to share with you an experience I had with a man that really brought this home for me.

I was recently out to eat with a man I know.  We were discussing health and fitness over a big fattening Southern breakfast.  I was saying something about not being willing to do anything restrictive to lose weight and that my diet plan is to stop eating when I am full.  He asked why I would want to lose weight.  To me it was obvious…because I have an extra 15-20 lbs on me right now. Duh.

(Disclaimer: I am very happy with my body and love it.  Releasing extra weight is a gift to my body and in no way has anything to do with my sense of beauty or self-worth.)

His responded with, “I know you are going to do whatever you want to do regardless of what I say (true), but please, don’t lose weight.  You are perfect just as you are.”

What?

In disbelief I say, “Even if that means I have a belly?”

Again his response, “Yes.  You’ve got it goin’ on.”

Huh.

Even though I don’t have a thing about having a few voluptuous pounds on me, it was still a shock to hear a man would prefer this version of me over the skinnier version.  What’s even more surprising to me is that this is surprising to me.

I mean come on, I am all about empowering the Ladies and loving the Dudes and I am shocked that a man would prefer the more voluptuous version of me.  Wow.  Looks like I have not been giving them the credit they deserve.

Side note: all this lead me to believe that every other time a man has said something along these lines to a woman, throughout time and space, that he probably meant it.  Again, Wow.

So Ladies, if you are like me and have trouble grasping that another would prefer you just as you are, I invite you to allow yourself to believe that it is true.  If for no other reason than it feels really good.

To bring it home, this is not about what a man, or anyone else, thinks about you.  This is about what you think and feel about yourself.  If you love yourself just as you are YOU feel better and give others the gift of seeing you and loving you just as you are.  Believe me, they WANT that gift.

Does this ring true for you? 

Have you ever experienced loving yourself as you are? 

Does this sound like crazy talk?

Any other thoughts on the subject?  If so I would love to hear your comments below.

 

xoxo,

 

Loving What Is

Do you ever find yourself resisting what is?  You know, really wishing that life, as it is in the Present moment, was different than it currently is?  

Doesn’t it kinda suck to wish your life were different?  

Wouldn’t it feel better to love what is going on in your life?

For me the answer to all these questions is a big fat YES!

Recently I found myself really wishing life was different than it is.  I had made a mistake on some paperwork and the result was a rather long delay in the arrival of some money being paid to me.  This impacted me financially in a big way.  Although this impact was temporary, I felt very limited.  I was hating the fact that I had put myself in a position that was so precarious.  Needless to say, all these feelings were not so fun and rather disempowering.

When I feel this way I always head to a few choice resources that help me gain a more empowered perspective.  After getting myself back into shape, I decided to enjoy my life regardless of what is going on.  I gave myself permission to love what is.

How does one love something like being broke, angry, sad, etc? 

Well, I started by thinking about all that was awesome in my life.  Regardless of what my bank account looks like, I have an amazing family, friends that anyone would envy, incredible clients, a great apartment, food in my refrigerator, I live in a beautiful place, and I am in good health.  All of this exists in my world at all times, no matter what is going on.  So, I choose to focus on the goodness.

Additionally, I decided to look for what was good about being temporarily “broke”.  This was surprisingly easy.  I was able to really look at my life and start removing and discarding what was old and doesn’t work.  This includes clothes in my closet, other stuff in my house and in my mind and habits around money.  The best part is that I now KNOW I can be happy in the face of a difficult situation.  If you ask me, that is POWER.

What is going on in your Present Moment that you are resisting or making wrong?

Will you join me in finding what is awesome about this moment? Trust me, it’s fun. 😉

I would love to hear about what is so awesome about your current challenges in the comments below.

If you found value in this post or see value in it for someone you know, I invite you to share this bad boy and sign-up for updates and more fabulous content on the right side of the screen…cuz I want to keep playing with you. 🙂

xoxo,

How Do You Do Desire?

September 27, 2012

What do you DESIRE?

Do your desires light you up and excite you?

Do you worry that they will never happen?

Do your desires provoke joy or anxiety?

Lately I have really been contemplating the concept of how I think and feel about what I desire.  When I think about some of the things I desire, I feel so good.  Like when I think about my family’s annual camping trip each Fall.  I really look forward to it each year.  I have a strong desire to attend because I enjoy being with my family so much and we have so much fun.  Just thinking about my desire to be with them gives me warm fuzzies and I have NO doubt that we will have an amazing time together.

Then there are other things that I desire that see as out of reach and I worry about when and if it will ever happen.  These desires are often about my desired income/lifestyle and romance.  You know the fun stuff like “Will I ever have enough money to work less and play more?” or “Will I ever meet a man who I will fall in love with and will fall in love with me?”.  These thoughts are not exactly oozing with empowerment, are they?

Some desires I am really excited about and not attached to when or if they ever happen.  Just the thought of other desires not coming to fruition produces feelings of anxiety and a need to make “it” happen.  How is it that one can have such completely different attitudes about the same thing — DESIRE?

To be honest, the last couple weeks I have been knee-deep in the muck of worrying about my DESIRES regarding my business and romance.  What I realized is that in these areas I am giving my power away in some regard.  What it boils down to is that I have been listening to and believing this story, “I have so much to offer and so many ways I would love to serve and I don’t trust that clients/men will be able to recognize that.”  This story, is doing two things:

  • It puts my happiness and ability to serve at the mercy of another person, be that potential client or potential romantic partner
  • This pigeon-holes my potential clients and romantic partners as being blind to what is in front of them

It is me assuming they can’t get past their “stuff” enough to really engage with me.  That is so not fair to them or me.  Oh, and it is a total lie.

So, I think it all boils down to is when we believe the power to receive or experience what we desire comes from somewhere outside of us, we feel very disempowered and at the mercy of the whims of another.  We become very attached to making sure it happens and often attempt to force the desire into being.  We are compelled to make it happen.  Yet, when we feel excited yet unattached to the manifestation of our desire we are relaxed and joyful.  We take inspired action and allow our desire to come to us.  Neale Donald Walsch explains desire without attachment in a very powerful way:

“…desire is a powerful force that can be used to make things happen.

Marcia Weider said that, and she was right. Yet do not confuse desire with expectation, or with need.  Desire has an entirely different quality to it. You can desire something without needing or requiring it.

That little difference makes everything work. That little difference is the whole trick. Desire, do not Require. To desire propels. To require compels. Life will not be compelled, but it can be coaxed…

Whoever or whatever you are trying to compel today, stop it. Just…fall back into the soft cotton of desire.”

Can you think of some areas you are requiring what you desire?  

Can you think of areas where you desire without attachment? 

How do you feel when you think about each of these areas?  

Being that we are human, we likely experience both requiring what we desire and being unattached to what we desire.  

Which way of being feels better?  

Which way of being successfully brings your desires to fruition?

I would bet that desire without attachment is the answer to both.  So, if that’s the case, I invite you to give being unattached to what you have been requiring a try.  Even if it is just for a few minutes, hours or days and see what happens and how you feel.  It may seem counterintuitive, but it works.  As Neale said above, “…fall back into the soft cotton of desire,” and allow yourself take inspired action and relax.  

I am giving this a shot.  Want to join me?  I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences regarding DESIRE in the comments below.

xoxo,

Authenticity Is The New Black

September 21, 2012

Hello Ladies!  The theme for this week’s post is AUTHENTICITY

This was born from a late night conversation over drinks with some of my seriously sassy, sexy and powerful cohorts.  We were having an amazing conversation about the power of really owning our femininity and how much more fun our lives are when we are unapologetically ourselves.  During this conversation my friend and jewelry designer extraordinaire, Lauren Harkness, coined one of the best phrases I have heard in a long time…

 “Authenticity is the new black.”

If you think about this it is soooooo true.  Like black, it looks good on everyone, never goes out of style and it’s slimming (it helps us drop that unwanted baggage 😉 ).

In the spirit of authenticity, I must admit that I have been rolling around in the muck of self-doubt and limiting thoughts lately. This is not something that is easy for me to share in such a public way but I am committed to walking my talk so here it is…

Authenticity and vulnerability are really easy for me in circles where I know the landscape.  I am part of a few different communities of women where I know I can go and brag about how awesome my life is, show up crying because I’m just not sure I can pull off my dream and everything in between and these women will still love me, no matter what. Additionally, my willingness to be authentic and vulnerable in these situations often gives others the permission they need to let go and be authentic in my presence.  I like that I can be authentic in these situations and provide a safe space for others to be themselves.  Then there is the arena of the interwebs…

I am still pretty comfortable sharing what is going on with me to an unknown number of people I will likely never know, once I have moved through the muck of feeling pathetic, paralyzed, sad, lonely, etc and have a nice shiny lesson to share.  It is A LOT less comfortable for me to share, with the masses, when I am actually in the muck rolling around in the disempowering crap I am buying into.

Why is this, you ask?  Well, if I am being authentic I have to admit it is because I have a fear that I will be judged.  I don’t know that y’all are a safe space with an understanding that ANYTHING a girl is feeling or going through is not good or bad — it just is. If some of you judge me then maybe you won’t read this blog anymore, or maybe you will tell someone out there that I am a big lame-o…the possibilities are endless, really.

I also need to admit that I HATE that part of me cares what anyone thinks.  While most of me really does get that each person is entitled to his/her opinion and that is nobody’s business but their own, there is still a part of me that still thinks another person’s opinion could actually hurt me, which is a bunch of poo.

The story I tell myself is that I am a coach and it is my job not to buy into your stories about yourself and hold the vision of your magnificence that lies beyond the stories and fear.  And as this coachy person, I should never feel pathetic, fearful, disempowered, etc.

 How can my clients take me seriously if I have not mastered all my emotions?

 If I am doing it right isn’t there a point where all disempowering thoughts and emotions cease?  

 Shouldn’t I have achieved this if I am going to go spouting wisdom out in the world? 

The answer to all these questions is that I am human, just like everyone else, not Jesus or Buddha. If I am here on Earth it must be my job to be a human. 

Being human means having days where you feel like you could do and be anything followed by days when you wonder if anyone likes you, if you will ever truly succeed, if you will ever have another “Good Hair Day”, etc.  Humans have these days. This humanity is what allows me to connect with and really get where my clients are coming from.  One of the greatest gifts I ever received from a teacher was when that teacher shared the disempowering moments she still struggles with.

This woman is a powerhouse and is having an incredible impact on women all over the world.  She is the epitome of success in my eyes AND she has “bad” days.  Many of the things she struggles with I also struggle with AND she is kicking ass in her life.  How can this be?  It then became very clear to me…I do not have to be PERFECT to be successful.

I can have a day or two (or twenty) where I feel like shit and still rock my life.  I can move forward regardless of what is going on inside my head.  Hallelujah!  Talk about permission to go for it.  This lit a serious fire under my ass.  Now I could go out in the world and live my passion in my own imperfect and awesome way.  Woo hoo!!!

So, aside from my desire to be AUTHENTIC with you, I also hope that this post will fuel your permission to go out and do whatever it is that you are waiting to start doing when you are perfect.  I hope you find permission to go get your GROOVE on in a gloriously imperfect way.  I hope that you will march boldly forward even while rolling around in the muck of self-doubt and fear.  And, I hope that you will try on some unabashed AUTHENTICITY.  Like black, it really does look good on anyone. 🙂

I would love to hear about your experiences and/or feelings about authenticity in the comments below.

xoxo,

Hurling Hatchets

September 14, 2012

Hello Friends!  As you may or may not know, my passion and work is to empower women to ignite that fire inside that reveals the path to profound self-love and draws the opposite sex in like a moth to a flame.  Really, this has very little to do with the men and everything to do with how we, as women, feel about ourselves and live life.

One of the keys to profound self-love is to allow yourself to embody ALL of who you are with love and acceptance.  This means making no apologies for who and what you are, stop giving a sh*t what others think and deciding that you are PERFECT exactly as you are.  Does the thought of this make your heart sing or your chest tighten?  Are you thinking this is crazy talk?  Are you saying “Hell Yes!”?  Sometimes I think and feel all of these things…at the same time.  I know, first hand, the power of facing the fear and taking this leap.

I recently had an experience that really highlighted the power of self-acceptance.  First, I should give you a little back ground.  As any of my friends would likely tell you, I am an intense person.  In addition to my love of laughter, inappropriate humor, and cute animal pics, I have been compared to She-Ra, Zena the Warrior Princess and an Amazon warrior woman.  Part of me has always been proud of my warrior-like ways.  When I embody this part of myself I feel strong, fiercely loving and capable of anything.  In certain circles I let this part of me shine and people love me all the more for it.  However, not everyone loves this kind of energy.  More than once I was smacked down, criticized or rejected by others that were threatened by or could not identify with this kind of energy.   I learned from a young age to squash this part of myself and be smaller to accommodate others opinions for my own safety.  Putting myself “out there” became terrifying.  Eventually, I learned to feel safe with greater amounts of recognition but still only felt safe when playing small, as stepping into my power and being me meant opening myself up for ridicule.  Fast forward to present time…

I have now stepped into this power and am committed to living in a place of authenticity and vulnerability.  It does not mean I don’t feel scared or doubt myself; it does mean that I put on my big girl panties, stay present with what I am feeling and move through the discomfort of playing a bigger game.  It feels amazing to go through all the ups and downs and know that I am so completely and utterly committed to myself and those I serve that absolutely nothing will stop me.

All that being said, I recently spent the weekend with my family, all warrior-types in their own right, and enjoyed some quality family bonding time.  (Even in this group, where I am by no means the most intense person, I find that I have a tendency to hold myself back a little.)  All this family bonding was taking place at my aunt and uncles home.  They have a great piece of property looking on Mt Shasta that they have turned into a play ground of sorts.  Keeping with the “Warrior” theme, my uncle has a target for his bow and arrow and a chunk of wood strung up to throw hatchets and/or knives at.

While I was hanging out on the porch relaxing after the days activities my cousin’s girlfriend asked me if I wanted to throw the hatchet with her.  It seemed like a good idea so I went with it and it was AMAZING!!!  I had never thrown a hatchet before that moment.  Why did it feel so incredibly natural?  Why was I so good at it?  I instantly had an ability to focus that was beyond anything I had ever experienced.  I threw the hatchet over and over, easily correcting myself and getting better with each throw.  Then the time came to take it to the next level…a choreographed battle routine.

Ok, so the battle routine was my uncle’s idea.  He proposed that I run behind him as he shoot his bow and arrow, at which point he would fall back and I take the lead, chucking the hatchet as I run toward the target.  I then would fall back and he would take the lead, shooting another arrow and throwing a knife.  This is the point where I would usually shy away because I didn’t want to suck or let anyone see me suck.  I would have found an excuse, any excuse, not to do it.  To do this I had to, not only embrace that Inner Warrior Goddess, but let her bass ass self run wild. Since giving a sh*t what others think of me is much lower on my list of things to think about than it used to be, I decided, “What the Hell…this might be fun.”  I was right.  It was not only fun, it was AWESOME!!!

Again, I was shocked at how good I was at it and how in my “Groove” I was.  It was obvious, I was born to hurl a hatchet.  For the first time in my entire life, I was fully embracing the Warrior Goddess part of myself.  I was not hiding, making myself small or wrong.  I was simply owning that sh*t.

For days following this I was on a major high.  I could be 100% me and it was okay.  One might even say that I felt SAFE being me.  There are still those out there that will shy away from my intensity and my sexy hatchet hurling ways, and that is okay.  Not everyone has to love me.  I love myself enough for all of us.

More than that I got the invaluable experience of seeing how I rocked it when I let myself be me.  When I let my full self shine and engage in what I am doing, it was easy and I was really good.  Since my moment of enlightenment through hatched-hurling, I have been living life without apology and it has been amazing.  My coaching practice is growing, I am creating an incredible life, attract people that blow my mind with their magnificence and feel so at ease knowing all I have to do to be happy and successful in this world is be ME.  The ME that has all sorts of dents in my armor , feels like a mess sometimes and also knows that she is one HOT force to be reckoned with.

Are you living your life full out?

Are you unapologetically you when you go out in the world?

I hope so.  I want that for every man, woman and child.  If you are not, I invite you to do a little experiment.  Go out in the world for one day or even one hour and pretend that it is perfectly safe and acceptable to be 100% yourself regardless of the opinion of others.  I am not asking you to change your actions, just pretend that how you are right now is perfect.

How does this change your experience of the world?

How does this influence your interactions with others?

What does this feel like for you?

What do you notice that is different for you when doing this?

I would love to hear about how this experiment goes for you in the comments below.

Happy experimenting…

xoxo,