Authenticity Is The New Black

September 21, 2012

Hello Ladies!  The theme for this week’s post is AUTHENTICITY

This was born from a late night conversation over drinks with some of my seriously sassy, sexy and powerful cohorts.  We were having an amazing conversation about the power of really owning our femininity and how much more fun our lives are when we are unapologetically ourselves.  During this conversation my friend and jewelry designer extraordinaire, Lauren Harkness, coined one of the best phrases I have heard in a long time…

 “Authenticity is the new black.”

If you think about this it is soooooo true.  Like black, it looks good on everyone, never goes out of style and it’s slimming (it helps us drop that unwanted baggage 😉 ).

In the spirit of authenticity, I must admit that I have been rolling around in the muck of self-doubt and limiting thoughts lately. This is not something that is easy for me to share in such a public way but I am committed to walking my talk so here it is…

Authenticity and vulnerability are really easy for me in circles where I know the landscape.  I am part of a few different communities of women where I know I can go and brag about how awesome my life is, show up crying because I’m just not sure I can pull off my dream and everything in between and these women will still love me, no matter what. Additionally, my willingness to be authentic and vulnerable in these situations often gives others the permission they need to let go and be authentic in my presence.  I like that I can be authentic in these situations and provide a safe space for others to be themselves.  Then there is the arena of the interwebs…

I am still pretty comfortable sharing what is going on with me to an unknown number of people I will likely never know, once I have moved through the muck of feeling pathetic, paralyzed, sad, lonely, etc and have a nice shiny lesson to share.  It is A LOT less comfortable for me to share, with the masses, when I am actually in the muck rolling around in the disempowering crap I am buying into.

Why is this, you ask?  Well, if I am being authentic I have to admit it is because I have a fear that I will be judged.  I don’t know that y’all are a safe space with an understanding that ANYTHING a girl is feeling or going through is not good or bad — it just is. If some of you judge me then maybe you won’t read this blog anymore, or maybe you will tell someone out there that I am a big lame-o…the possibilities are endless, really.

I also need to admit that I HATE that part of me cares what anyone thinks.  While most of me really does get that each person is entitled to his/her opinion and that is nobody’s business but their own, there is still a part of me that still thinks another person’s opinion could actually hurt me, which is a bunch of poo.

The story I tell myself is that I am a coach and it is my job not to buy into your stories about yourself and hold the vision of your magnificence that lies beyond the stories and fear.  And as this coachy person, I should never feel pathetic, fearful, disempowered, etc.

 How can my clients take me seriously if I have not mastered all my emotions?

 If I am doing it right isn’t there a point where all disempowering thoughts and emotions cease?  

 Shouldn’t I have achieved this if I am going to go spouting wisdom out in the world? 

The answer to all these questions is that I am human, just like everyone else, not Jesus or Buddha. If I am here on Earth it must be my job to be a human. 

Being human means having days where you feel like you could do and be anything followed by days when you wonder if anyone likes you, if you will ever truly succeed, if you will ever have another “Good Hair Day”, etc.  Humans have these days. This humanity is what allows me to connect with and really get where my clients are coming from.  One of the greatest gifts I ever received from a teacher was when that teacher shared the disempowering moments she still struggles with.

This woman is a powerhouse and is having an incredible impact on women all over the world.  She is the epitome of success in my eyes AND she has “bad” days.  Many of the things she struggles with I also struggle with AND she is kicking ass in her life.  How can this be?  It then became very clear to me…I do not have to be PERFECT to be successful.

I can have a day or two (or twenty) where I feel like shit and still rock my life.  I can move forward regardless of what is going on inside my head.  Hallelujah!  Talk about permission to go for it.  This lit a serious fire under my ass.  Now I could go out in the world and live my passion in my own imperfect and awesome way.  Woo hoo!!!

So, aside from my desire to be AUTHENTIC with you, I also hope that this post will fuel your permission to go out and do whatever it is that you are waiting to start doing when you are perfect.  I hope you find permission to go get your GROOVE on in a gloriously imperfect way.  I hope that you will march boldly forward even while rolling around in the muck of self-doubt and fear.  And, I hope that you will try on some unabashed AUTHENTICITY.  Like black, it really does look good on anyone. 🙂

I would love to hear about your experiences and/or feelings about authenticity in the comments below.


14 thoughts on “Authenticity Is The New Black

  1. Keith

    Authenticity looks great on you and it is a fantastic fit! I’ve found that authenticity along with upping my integrity game in the recent few months is making my life really great. Being real is a glorious new me and it sounds like it’s the same for you.

    1. admin Post author

      Thank you, Keith! Authenticity looks really good on you, too. 😉 What you said is so true. I’m glad we have been able to witness each other’s journey of integrity and authenticity together. <3

  2. Patricia

    I love this Jennifer – you nailed it with “I do not have to be PERFECT to be successful.” I will carry this thought with me as I move forward!!

    1. admin Post author

      Hello Patricia! I love that you will carry that thought with you…it seriously changed my life when I did the same. 🙂


  3. Dorothy

    Right on, Jen! I rolled through the serious muck, two weeks ago. It was old deep stuff from the past, ready to come to the surface, to be released.
    I appreciate both your candor and humor. Love the tag line.
    Brilliant, Lauren.
    Go for it, Jen! Keep up the good work.
    Do you mind if I forward this to some girlfriends, that might appreciate your message?

    1. admin Post author

      Hello Dorothy! I’m glad you are on the other side of the muck. It always feels so good to be on the other side of it. 🙂

      Of course you can forward this to your friends. The more the merrier. 🙂



  4. Denise

    This is such an authentic, kick ass post. I love it and most definitely needed to hear this today. Thank you for sharing your beautiful wisdom!

  5. Jacqui B.

    Love transparency/authenticity when it comes to people who put themselves out there as role models. Plus I’ve found recently when externalize the things I’m having trouble with (like saying it out loud, talking to a friend, or writing it in a journal or blog) the problem seems more manageable.

  6. Loralee

    I love this topic. In fact, its the 4th one I’ve read today that speaks to this topic of our online persona vs the Real Deal. It’s a tricky balance though, isn’t it? Do people really want to see our ‘bad hair days’? I’m not entirely sure, but since I’m obviously stumbling on this topic a lot (today) I have a sneaky suspicion I’m about to find out 🙂


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