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Us And Them

Recently I have become really aware of a dynamic, I believe, is responsible for what ails our world and, at very least, our romantic relationships.  I call this dynamic “Us and Them”.

What first got me present to “Us and Them” was an article I read discussing why the author thought it would be a bad idea to have a male Secretary of State.

This article was filled with all the reasons a woman would be better at the job and all the characteristics of a man that would make a man a dangerous choice.  The article was overflowing with generalizations of men and women.

Basically, the article stated that women are nurturers, more emotionally intelligent and men are unable to effectively express emotions so resort to macho-type tactics which will piss-off other world leaders.

There are a plethora of examples supporting these generalizations, but they are not always true.

In my life, one of the most diplomatic and emotionally intelligent people I have ever met is a man.

On the other hand, the most destructive, manipulative, and drama inciting person I have ever experienced is a woman.

Nothing like the stereotype would dictate.

By making politics, familial, friend, work or romantic relationships about men vs women, we do not allow for collaboration with or appreciation of the opposite sex and what they have to offer.

When we pit ourselves as something other than, or in opposition to, another person or group, we shut down the possibility of love and mutual respect.

At that moment we stop being concerned about the well-being of another and more concerned with what we are getting out of the situation at the expense of love.

In today’s society we are taught that this is normal and acceptable.  I will venture to say that it is not acceptable if what we want is to live a happy life full of JOY and LOVE.

Next time you encounter someone being unkind, cranky, or generally anti-social, try taking a step back and get curious about that person and what they might be feeling.

I guarantee they are not feeling happy or empowered. Give them the benefit of the doubt, just this once, and send them thoughts and/or words of love and compassion.

You would be surprised how it can transform a situation or dynamic.

Wouldn’t you want someone to do the same for you?

I have to be honest, despite my commitment to be more interested in the well-being of another over my own agenda, I still find myself engaging in “Us and Them” thoughts.

It is unrealistic to think you will never have “Us and Them” type thoughts.  You will have them.

The key is to choose a new thought when you notice yourself having one.  Choose a thought of love and compassion and carry on.

The quickest way for me to bridge the gap between “Us and Them” and “Love and Compassion” is to focus on what you APPRECIATE about the person.  APPRECIATION IS A MIRACLE WORKER.

In a conflict between a man and woman, APPRECIATION OF A  MAN FROM A WOMAN closes the gap faster than anything I have ever experienced it.  (For more information on Man Appreciation visit )

That does not mean it is only the woman’s job, but if you have it in you to conjure some appreciation, Ladies, I suggest you give it a try.  It will definitely benefit YOU.

I will now step down from my soapbox with love and compassion for each and every one of you. 🙂

Do you have any burning thoughts and/or opinions on the subject?  I would love to hear them in the comments below.


You Are Perfect Just As You Are…Seriously

This week I want to talk about a crazy concept:

You are perfect as you are.

Yes, just as you are.

You may be saying to yourself, “Duh.  Of course I am.”  Or maybe you are not even able to fathom the concept.

For those of you who fall into the latter category, or somewhere in between, I want to share with you an experience I had with a man that really brought this home for me.

I was recently out to eat with a man I know.  We were discussing health and fitness over a big fattening Southern breakfast.  I was saying something about not being willing to do anything restrictive to lose weight and that my diet plan is to stop eating when I am full.  He asked why I would want to lose weight.  To me it was obvious…because I have an extra 15-20 lbs on me right now. Duh.

(Disclaimer: I am very happy with my body and love it.  Releasing extra weight is a gift to my body and in no way has anything to do with my sense of beauty or self-worth.)

His responded with, “I know you are going to do whatever you want to do regardless of what I say (true), but please, don’t lose weight.  You are perfect just as you are.”


In disbelief I say, “Even if that means I have a belly?”

Again his response, “Yes.  You’ve got it goin’ on.”


Even though I don’t have a thing about having a few voluptuous pounds on me, it was still a shock to hear a man would prefer this version of me over the skinnier version.  What’s even more surprising to me is that this is surprising to me.

I mean come on, I am all about empowering the Ladies and loving the Dudes and I am shocked that a man would prefer the more voluptuous version of me.  Wow.  Looks like I have not been giving them the credit they deserve.

Side note: all this lead me to believe that every other time a man has said something along these lines to a woman, throughout time and space, that he probably meant it.  Again, Wow.

So Ladies, if you are like me and have trouble grasping that another would prefer you just as you are, I invite you to allow yourself to believe that it is true.  If for no other reason than it feels really good.

To bring it home, this is not about what a man, or anyone else, thinks about you.  This is about what you think and feel about yourself.  If you love yourself just as you are YOU feel better and give others the gift of seeing you and loving you just as you are.  Believe me, they WANT that gift.

Does this ring true for you? 

Have you ever experienced loving yourself as you are? 

Does this sound like crazy talk?

Any other thoughts on the subject?  If so I would love to hear your comments below.